BLEACHERS BREW EST. MAY 2006

Someone asked me how my blog and newspaper column came to be titled "Bleachers Brew". It's like this, it's an amalgam of sorts of two things: The bleachers area in the stadium/arena where I used to sit when I would watch baseball, football, and basketball games and Miles Davis' great jazz album Bitches Brew. That's how it got culled together. I originally planned on calling it "The View from the Big Chair" that is a nod to Tears For Fear's second album, Songs from the Big Chair. So there.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Good luck, Chuck!


On the occasion of Charles Barkley's induction to the National College Basketball Hall of Fame, here are some of the Chuckster's most memorable quotes:

On social commentary

"If the politically correct police ever came into a professional locker room ... Oh my God ... we could start World War III every day in there."



"Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train."


"I don't create controversies. They're there long before I open my mouth. I just bring them to your attention."

After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar Charles was in front of the judge.
Judge: "Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?"

Charles: "Yeah I regret we weren't on a higher floor"


Asked if he had ever been in the governor's office in Montgomery, Barkley said no. "They don't let many black people in the governor's mansion in Alabama unless they're cleaning."


Dream Team Summer

After an Olympic Dream Team victory over Angola, in which they won 116-48, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member of Angola towards the end of the game, he said afterwards, "Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me."


On the goal of the '92 Olympic Dream Team when playing Panama in the Tournament of the Americas: "To get the Canal back."


When the Dream Team was about to play the Angola national team, during pre-game interviews the other USA players provided diplomatic, face saving comments about how they would play hard and felt strongly they would win. When Chuck was asked about Angola and the game, he replied: "I don't know much about Angola, but I know one thing, they're in a lot of trouble."

During his years at Auburn
"When I was recruited at Auburn (university), they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements."


On NBA basketball
"I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I've got a technique. It's called just go get the damn ball."

On the Portland Trail Blazers (back when they were known as the Jail Blazers) serving Thanksgiving meals: "In between arrests they do community service."

Barkley on Hanno Mottola, who, as EJ remarked "is the first NBA player from Finland". Charles replies: "Of course he is the first NBA player from Finland, he's the only person in Finland."

On supersized Oliver Miller: "You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it."


Barkley on Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith eating a box of hot Krispy Kreme donuts in front of him: "Both of y'all are going to hell for that. Y'all are going to hell with a first-class ticket. Is that how you treat your partner? Krispy Kreme might be the greatest invention in the history of civilization when they're hot. Y'all are cruel man."


After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying. Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He topped it off by saying: "You know why that little girl's crying? It's because she's thinking 'my daddy's a wussy'".


After retiring from basketball "I'm just what America needs - another unemployed black man."


If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.


The only difference between a good shot and a bad shot is if it goes in or not.
In discussing ways in which the Knicks should be improved this 2008-09 season (and a veiled reference to Isiah Thomas), Barkley said, "I think they have a better coach. This coach probably won't try to kill himself."

"Any time a little midget does something like this, you gotta give him a 10 (regarding a Nate Robinson dunk at All-Star weekend)!."

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